Of course, they would compile a bunch of negative attributes based on behavior, tendencies.
Jim forgets his wife's birthdays and their anniversary.
Betty snores every night and sounds like a depleting rainforest.
Robert cheated on both his first and second wives.
There are simple solutions for each. Jim gets a calendar, Betty takes some medication and uses a clothespin for backup, and Robert neuters himself. There. Done.
But are there offenses people can commit that would make themselves eternally undesirable to potential partners?
What makes a person irrevocably undatable?
I can see, and agree with, the position that a history of being a serial killer could make somebody undatable.
Unless both parties are in the prison system. In that environment, one might let a murderous past slide like a lathered-up bar of soap on a slippery floor.
How about having a history of bad relationships?
Is someone to be deemed undatable just because he or she irresponsibly entered into two marriages early in life that both failed?
Is there a way for someone who was deemed undatable for this or a similar reason to be redeemed and be labelled datable once again?
I think the answer regarding redemption lies in our ability to learn from our mistakes and the earnest efforts we make not to repeat those mistakes.
Sure, it's on your permanent record. It can never be ignored. You cheated. You snored. You forgot some special dates. You left two bad marriages in a row. It'll always figure into your situation.
But as long as you can recognize when your actions were complete crap and persuade yourself to exercise enough caution to prevent a relapse of your old behavior, you can use your awareness and move on.
There aren't many offenses that make someone irrevocably undatable. Just try to avoid committing the big ones, especially if you've committed them in your past.
So quit killing people, dammit. That's all I'm trying to say.
That crap does go on your permanent record, you know.
On 12/19/05, a very good friend of mine wrote the following in an e-mail to me, and I think it's very pertinent to the topic: "[T]rust is the most important thing in a serious relationship, and under that is the notion that apologies must be accepted, and one must move on, if trust and apologies are to mean anything. You shouldn't have to dwell on those mistakes if you've already acknowledged that it was a dumb thing to do at the time, you shouldn't have done it, and you will never make a similar mistake again."
ReplyDeleteIf that's true, then our mistakes of the past also shouldn't haunt us to make us irrevocably undatable.